


We’re burning down the bridges (this time.)

by skyblue993



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, But we still love him, Connor is a jerk most of the time, Drama, First Crush, First Kiss, Flashbacks, I just love Asshole Connor so bear with me, M/M, Probable smut on the way, Summer Camp, but no cheating don’t worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:01:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: Jude meets his boyfriend’s family and, considering that his life seems to be inspired by a telenovela, he shouldn’t really be that surprised to find out that his boyfriend’s brother is the one that took his heart, his soul, his virginity, about ten years before.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So.. I haven't written a thing in about two months so bear with me if this isn't exactly what I'd call perfect but I've had this idea playing in a mind for a very long time and the time to write it down has come. Due to my shitty working shifts, I won't be able to update a lot so I'll try to write shorter chapters and post them more frequently. Mmkay? Feedback is always very well accepted :*

 

Jude was staring with _wild_ interest at the silver plate in front of him, his eyes refusing to meet the judgemental stares being shoot in his way as he waited for the uncomfortable waves of discomfort washing over him to just magically fade away. He reached for the boy’s hand from underneath the table, his stomach clenching inexplicably as soon as he felt their fingers intertwining in a grip. He inhaled slowly through his nose hoping that the sound went unnoticed. He didn't want the one to disturb in any way the comforting silence that surrounded them. Then, he heard the distinctive noise of someone clear their throats and then, the single thing that Jude feared happened. Someone broke the spell.

“Some things never change..” There was a bitter edge filling his voice, a hint of hatred that Jude couldn’t really quite place what it meant. That feeling of unease intensified when he heard the woman let out a heavy, clearly exhausted sigh. He wondered how a four words sentence could bother a woman that much. Women loved to talk. He finally dared to look up and the glacial look being sent in his way almost made him get up and leave but then, he acknowledged that it wasn’t quite directed to _him_. _“Dean..”_

“I know. _I know.._ ” Dean cut her off quickly with a dismissive wave of his hand. Jude could tell that there was some heavy shit going unspoken between them as soon as she slid her mouth shut, her nails tapping impatiently against the wooden surface of their mastodonic dinner table. “I just.. God!” He groaned, ignoring the look of warning being sent in his way by his mother while his father didn't even bother to look up from his phone. A bored expression flashing across his features as he kept scrolling through his Facebook feed while holding his half-empty glass of wine in his other hand. “Why can’t _he_ be on time? Just for once? He knew how important was this dinner for me.”

Jude didn’t know who they were referring to, but he could tell, going by the empty chair left around the dining table, that they were waiting for someone that was fashionably late.

“Oh, honey.. you know your brother..” Dean's mom sighed, rubbing her temple in a tired, _I'm so done with this_ shit's, way. She gave him a stern look before adding, “He’s probably caught up with work...”

Jude heard a sardonic laugh escaping Dean's throat, shaking his head in clearly fake amusement as he said, “Oh, I have no doubt what he’s being caught up with-“

“Dean.” Now her tone was sharp. _Pissed off._ Jude felt a shiver going up his spine. Dean let out a heavy sigh, his hand tightening its grip on Jude’s like he was meant to hold on to it for all its worth or maybe imagining it was his brother's head or something. Jude held it back anyway. For moral support, like the good boyfriend that he was.

“You know what your brother went through. It has been incredibly hard for him and for the rest of us-“

“I know.” Dean immediately cut her off, his voice getting small all of a sudden. Jude could tell that Dean was a bundle of nerves and he wondered why his brother was such a center of a topic in the conversation. “I’m sorry. That was out of line..”

The whole room fell back in silence and Jude almost missed the sharp edge of her voice sending shivers down his spine. He kept his eyes fixed on the cuckoo clock hanging on the opposite wall until he heard the door slamming shut.

“About damn time..” Dean huffed a snort, rolling his eyes. Dean's mother got up from the table, pleasure, and relief written all over her face as she approached the boy stumbling through the door. Jude thanked all the Gods that he was still sitting because the shock could have caused his legs to buckle under his weight.

“Connor. _Honey_.” She smiled pleasingly in a way that Jude still had to experience since the first time he put foot in this mansion, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Connor smiled back before meeting Jude’s eyes. For the briefest moment, he thought Connor didn’t recognize him and, in a way, Jude hoped he didn’t because, hell, that was the most awkward thing he ever experienced in 26 years of his life. Well, _maybe_ the fact that apparently he lost his virginity with his boyfriend's brother took the cake.. But then, his brows creased in a frown as he slowly approached Jude and his brother Dean. Jude’s heart started rocking uncontrollably in his chest as he watched Dean politely leaning in, wrapping Connor in a cold, loveless hug. 

“Connor.” He heard Dean ask with his fake polite pitch in his voice. “How are you?”

Connor’s bright eyes met Jude’s for the briefest moment, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a smirk that Jude knew too well and that seemed to sent his brain in short circuit, before he gained control over his emotions, pulling off his most charming (and fakest) smile. “Everything’s good, little _bro_.”

Dean didn't look as amused or carefree as Connor, Jude noticed. It was like the single presence of Connor in the room was enough to make Dean's blood boil in his veins.

“Don’t call me that.” Dean huffed, groaning at the playful punch Connor gave him on his shoulder. “I’m only five months younger than you, you know.. anyway-“ Jude cleared his throat, knowing it was his cue. He hoped his hand wasn't sweating as he offered his hand to Connor's before Dean could even properly introduce the two of them.

“This is Jude, my boyfriend. Jude, meet Connor. Connor, meet Jude.” Jude let out a feeble _hi_ and shook Connor's hand as a muted signal to pretend that this was actually the first time they met each other, give them both the opportunity to have a clean, fresh, _drama-free,_ start but Connor obviously had to fuck it up.

It was Connor, after all, wasn’t he?

“Actually..” Connor said, a playful smirk growing wide across his features and Jude could do nothing but flutter his eyes shut unable to witness the scene with his own two eyes, well aware of the pile of shit that was going to hit him. “We’re acquainted with each other pretty well, don’t we Jude?”

  
Of course, he had to screw it up. _He always did._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flu got me productive xD

 

“How do you two know each other?”

The woman awkwardly cleared her throat, gesturing towards the dining table with a strained smile tugging on her red painted lips. “Why don’t we all sit down and start with the appetizers?”

Jude shifted uncomfortably on his spot, his hands clenching in his pockets as he heard Dean ask once again, voice edgy and slightly distrustful, “How you _two_ know each other?”

“You tell him or I tell him?” Connor asked. Jude honestly wanted to smash his fist in that face, clear that smug expression off his face.

“Um.. actually... w-we met when we were fifteen..” Jude blurted out, his cheeks turning pink and his breathing getting heavy. “My parents would send me and my sister to summer camp and that’s where we met.”

That _unfortunate_ day, twenty-six-year-old Jude wanted to add while the fifteen-year-old self would have corrected that statement in a _heartbeat._

 

 

 

**_Flashback. (there will be several in this fic.)_ **

 

  
Mrs. and Mr. Jacob decided that Jude’s way to socially alienate himself from the people of his age had to be treated somehow. Nothing worked so far. Not even spending some time in Mrs. Adams Foster’s office, the school consultant, helped his case so they thought that, since summer was about to start, what was a better way to make new friends than an healthy, supervised, setting like summer camp?

  
The moment they drove Jude and his sister Callie to Laguna Beach Summer camp, Jude’s biggest nightmare came to life.

“Are you serious?” He asked Colleen, completely horrified and unable to look away from the waves of children and kids his age playing basketball in the playfield, laughing and shrieking in happiness. Some of them were swimming, pushed one another in the cool water. _Oh, God.._

He tightened his grip he had on his duffle bag as he decided _stat_ “I’m going home with you guys.”

“No, you won’t.” Colleen fired back. A pitch in her voice that left no room for discussion. Callie just sighed, leaning in to kiss her mother on her cheek, “Bye mom. See you in three weeks.”

“See? Why can’t you just be completely cold-hearted like your sister?”

“Because unlike my sister, I’m not a social butterfly.” Jude retorted with a roll of his eyes.

Colleen sighed before kneeling down in front of him on the cool grass, her fingers gently brushing his cheek. “Let’s make a deal, okay?”

Jude nodded. How could he not since those trusting eyes were looking at him like that?

“If this experience doesn’t suit you, I promise I won’t send you back here next summer..”

“Were you planning on sending me here, next summer?” Jude gasped in utter outrage before adding, an eyebrow raised in suspect. “What’s kind of deal is this anyway since I’m still going to be stuck here for three weeks? What I’m getting out of this deal, exactly?”

“You are getting _something_ , that’s for sure. Right now, it’s still unknown to you but when these three weeks will be coming to an end, then you’ll _know_.”

Jude didn’t know what his mom meant by saying those words, not until the moment he met a certain sandy-haired boy with eyes so bright and shiny and deep that left him completely breathless.

 

 

The thing that caught Jude’s eye was his laugh. It was so bright and loud and catchy like a good song you always put on repeat, the kind of which you get obsessed with. It was addictive and charming and.. something able to ignite something in him. Something he never got to experience before and honestly, it felt so foreign that he didn’t know what to do with that feeling or how to respond to it. The only thing he knew was that he felt attracted to him like a magnet, desperately dreaming to start a conversation with him, exchange some words, try to figure out if they had something in common and the feeling intensified within an inch of his life as the days went by.

 

One day, he took a walk down the river of the lake, sitting on a rock. He slid his earplugs out of his pocket and lost himself in the rhythm of his playlist when he caught sight of Connor in the water. He was laughing bright and happy, splashing some kids in the face and for a moment he felt like the "high school loser" that he was, sitting in the bleachers, staring at his crush with dreamy eyes without finding the courage to make the first move. He decided to let it go, knowing deep down in his heart that Connor was the popular jock that was never going to be interested in him.

_Until.._

“Hey!”

Jude’s eyes went wide in shock, following eye widened the quick motion of Connor’s fingers stealing the earplug from his ear. He refused to let his gaze to roam over the beads of water streaming down his chest, completely blown away by the unthinkable turn of events to realize that Connor was now actually sitting on the rock with him like they were even acquaintances smiling over the song that was currently playing, without bothering to even introduce himself. (although Jude perfectly his name knew by all the times he'd been stalking him like a total creep.)

“Such a great music choice you have on here.”

“Shut up. Cindy Lauper is my favorite singer of all time.” Jude blushed, well aware of the man grunt in his voice. He felt the heat rising in his cheeks at the way Connor’s grin widened across his face causing Jude’s chest to constrict.

“She’s not that bad.” Connor shrugged cooly.

“Not that bad? Oh my God. Are we even listening to the same song?”

Jude shook his head, letting out a soft laugh when he heard Connor humming under his breath the last several _time after time._ _’s_ before the end.

“Are those the only lyrics you know out of the whole song?” Jude didn’t even know where all that self-confidence came from. He, indeed, talked to Connor more than he ever did with anyone his age, but he decided to run with that feeling. It felt natural and right. Why shouldn’t he just follow that instinct if that rush of adrenaline boiling through his veins, at the moment, felt so good?

  
Connor smiled, his eyes fluttering close in utter relax as the rays of the sun gently kissed his skin. Jude felt jealous for a moment but then he was distracted by the way Connor’s laugh made his heart skip beats as he shrugged, “That’s all I need to know, man.”

“Said literally anyone who doesn't know the lyrics.” Jude insisted, a playful tone of his voice that surprised even himself.

Connor peeked at him with one eye, a smirk playing on his lips as he mused, “Who told you I don’t know the lyrics of this song?”

“Then prove it to me.” Jude said.

Connor stared at him for one, heart-stopping moment before winking, “Not now.”

“Then when?”

“I want to make that moment glorious.”  
“Oh yeah? Well, let's make a deal then.” Jude immediately sassed back. He didn't know what was going on with this kid but no one ever made conversations that _alluring_ before.

Connor leaned back on his elbows, looking up at him from beneath those long eyelashes. Jude felt completely spellbound by Connor’s.. whole _ensemble_ , that he chocked on saliva, forgetting what was even about to say.

He felt his face going on fire as he cleared his throat, staring at the sun slowly hiding behind the peek of the mountains in a way to distract himself from Connor’s alluring eyes.

“If you sing the whole song to me then I’ll do whatever you want.”

He absolutely didn’t hear Connor slowly lifting up until their shoulders were brushing. Connor’s heated skin felt like fire against his own.

“Umm.. this sounds interesting. So, if I win, which I will-“

“Egomaniac-“

Connor totally ignored his nasty comment that matched so perfectly with the roll of his eyes. “I dare you to swim in the lake with me.”

Jude shrugged, thinking _, it could be worse..._

“I’m in-“

“At midnight.”

The thought of swimming at midnight with Connor made his heart race impossibly fast in his chest. What if he drowns? He couldn’t even swim that well and he needed to wear his lens for this because in no way he would show up wearing his _harry potter_ glasses... but then reasoned that Connor couldn’t possibly know all the lyrics from that song, right? He was probably bluffing.

   
That same night, Jude found out that he was not bluffing. The group head looked extremely pleased when he announced that Connor Stevens in the flesh candidate himself for singing a song around the fireplace.

“I’ll sing one of the classics,” Connor announced proudly, his eyes sparkling the moment they landed on Jude. The group head handed him over the guitar because, of course, Connor could play the guitar and, the moment he opened his mouth Jude knew he just lost a bet.

The moment Connor started singing he never looked away from him throughout the whole song and Jude dreaded for the first time, since he got there, the day he was about to leave that summer camp behind and, consequently, _leaving Connor_ as well.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Jude told Dean he wasn’t really in the mood to join the rest of the family downstairs for the traditional family poker night.

”I have a killing headache.” Jude attempted to crack a soft smile in return of the concerned looks Dean kept throwing at him from the threshold of the room they were supposed to share for five whole days. Jude just couldn’t deal with the thought of breathing the same air as Connor for the following days. They spent exactly three hours in the same room and he swore there were fireworks shooting from across the table between Connor’s incessant anecdotes about that summer _obviously_ omitting the more relevant _(buried)_ details, the bored whining noises Adam kept making from across the table that Mrs. Stevens kept swallowing throughout the whole room for the sake of their dinner and the cherry on top of the cake was Deak bombarding the both of them with raffic of questions like, “Did you two were very close friends?” “What kind of activity were you two engaging at that summer camp?” Jude kept blushing unable to fill in. The only thing he could fill was that infamous glass of wine until he honestly lost count. 

 

“Are you sure? I can keep you company..”

Jude honestly didn’t want any. Not now. He just shook his head, trying to sound as much convincing as possible.

”No. No. You just go ahead and spend some time with your family. It wouldn’t be fair of me to deprive you of their company.. you barely spend some time with them during the year-“ Jude felt his heart skipping a beat as he added through an exhausted breath, “Just _go.”_

Dean came close and held him by his hips, brushing his lips against his temple in a soothing, gentle way that made Jude feel ten times guiltier. “If you need me, you’ll find me downstairs.”

Jude’s eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in, pressing his lips against Dean’s and melting into the familiar pair of arms that hardly ever failed to make him feel at home.

 

 

 

Jude fell on the mattress on his back, letting out a heavy sigh. He threw his arm over his eyes and shut them close finding refuge in the comforting silence that surrounded him. He wanted, more than ever, to shut his brain down but nothing, not even the glasses of wine he swallowed down earlier, seemed to cool him down.

”Fuck..” 

He just.. couldn’t believe what the fate decided for him but more importantly, he couldn’t believe that even after all those years Connor _still_ had the same disastrous effect of a hurricane taking his peaceful life apart.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Jude kept saying, his voice edging over exhaustion, _“Fuck me.”_

His eyes popped open when he heard a familiar laugh reaching his ears, “Which brother are you making that request to, exactly? You know, I’d hate to make things _awkward_.”

Jude sat up immediately, staring agape at the boy leaning so casually against the doorframe. Fuck that smile, Jude thought only half bitterly.

”You are not funny.” Jude spat out, his voice thick with panic. Rage started boiling through his veins at the way Connor dramatically rolled his eyes, a look of mock flashing across his features as he retorted in the same amused voice.

”I think I’m hilarious, actually. A lot of people tells me that and..” he said, taking a step towards his bed, never ever breaking eye contact with Jude as he said, voice low and alluring, “If I’m not mistaken, so did you.”

Jude felt the Adam apple bobbing in his throat as he watched Connor taking a dangerous step forward until he was standing right there, at the end of his bed, staring at him with what Jude could define _“Predatory look.”_ in his eyes.

”What do you want from me?”

”Me?” Connor asked him, a fake innocent hint in his voice that sent shivers down Jude's spine, “I’m just trying to have a little chit-chat with my brother’s _boyfriend_ who just casually happens to be-“

Jude could help himself but stop him right there,a hushed pitch in his voice. “Don’t even finish that-“

“Someone I met when I was a kid.” Connor finished the sentence without missing a beat. The amused look on his face long gone off his face and replaced by a dead serious look that actually made Jude’s breath catch in his throat. A long silence followed that moment whilst Jude wondered, despite a small part of him was pleased that Connor didn’t go there, why another part of him felt deeply wounded by the definition Connor gave to their history.

”Good.” Jude finally said, his voice cracking just slightly as he tried to swallow the bitterness of those words. “Now please get out of this room.” 

He didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to have to deal with the pain that only Connor was able to cause him. Not again. He was just someone that he met when he was a kid right? _Connor said so._ It shouldn't matter what they were to each other, right? It was put behind their backs. It was nothing that was worthy of being brought back up on the surface.

_Right?_

“Okay.” Connor breathed out after a moment as long as a lifetime. “Your wish is my command-“ Jude didn’t dare to open his eyes but Connor’s voice actually sounded further away so he guessed he actually respected Jude’s wish. But then, as the intensity of a punch in the face, he heard it loud and clear like the first time Connor called him that, ten years ago. “Goodnight, _Judicorn.”_

 

 

**Flashback.**

 

 

Connor was still laughing at him throughout the whole way from the lake back to the campsite.

“It wasn’t that bad, wasn’t it?”

”Well, if you’re referring to my capacity to swim in the total darkness without being able to tell if that was some fish brushing my leg or some mystic creatures-“

”You are such a drama queen.” Connor cut him off, zipping up his backup and sliding a bag of _jujubes_. He offered some to Jude with the sweetest smile Jude got from someone. “Truce?”

”Truce.” Jude replied, his knees going weak at the sudden closeness of their shoulders brushing when they sat together on a tree trunk. He knew they were supposed to go to bed and, he could tell by the sky getting lighter among the darkness, that if they stayed up a little more they could probably watch the sunrise.

“What time is it?”

Connor asked him quietly. Jude reached for his phone in his own backpack.

“Shit. It's four thirty. Did we really stay out this long?”

Connor just shrugged, his eyes still bright despite the clear tiredness showing in his irises. “I guess time flies when you have a good time.”

Jude's face flushed red and, not for the first time that day, he found himself wondering how someone like Connor was even real.

“D-Did you have a good time with me?” He wanted to slap himself for how shocked he sounded about the slightest possibility of Connor having a good time with him.

“Of course I did.” Connor smiled, then he asked Jude hesitantly, “Didn't you?”

Jude shook his head vehemently, stuttering out, “N-No. N-Not at all. I had.. I had the best time with you, Connor.”

The smile he got in response was just as bright as the sun, “Me too, Jude."

Their eyes locked for a long moment during which Jude felt like air left his lungs completely. He wasn't prepared for this moment and for these emotions bursting through him like fireworks.

Connor just sat there, in complete silence, eating out of Jude's hand like he was somehow letting Jude set the pace. 

Jude was the first one to finally breaking that staring game going on between them, swallowing down saliva as he tried to come up with words. Anything to distract him from those eyes, that mouth he desperately wanted to chase with his own but he couldn't bring himself to take the chance. He was a coward but he wasn't going to risk and screw things up not now that finally, this place made sense to him.

"I.. uh, I never watched a sunset before."

"Seriously?" Connor's voice sounded low pitched and kind of sleepy. Jude thought it sounded even more alluring. 

"Yeah.. I.. I think it's supposed to be romantic you know?" 

"It doesn't _necessarily_ have to have a romantic meaning but I can see your point.." Connor replied, his fingers dangerously close to Jude's against the trunk. Jude gulped down saliva the moment he spotted the proximity between their fingers. 

"I've always imagined staying up late and watch the sunset with someone that means something, you know?"

"Well, you are watching it with me so I guess it _means_ something?"

 _It means more than you know_ , Jude thought to himself limiting himself to just nod at Connor. 

 

"What's your favorite show?" Connor broke the silence. Jude just smiled, thinking that Connor looked eager to get as much as pieces of information out of him. 

They were so into this debrief that they actually missed the sunset but as Jude stumbled back into his tent with a goofy smile on his face, he couldn't think about anything but the dorky smile flashing across Connor's face as they took separate ways to their tents. "Goodnight, _Judicorn._ I'll see you tomorrow."

That was the best promise someone ever made to him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

**Flashback.**

 

Jude was having a surprisingly nice day. It was sunny, incredibly so, not a trace of clouds hovering above his figure as he laid on the grass, his favorite playlist on, lost in his thoughts.

He found himself humming in contentedness to the song he was currently playing, “ _It’s just a little crush._ ” when he heard someone laugh, “Oh God. You have it bad.”

Jude slowly raised himself up on his elbows, glaring in his sister's way for multiple reasons like like literally hovering above him with a mix of amusement and concern flashing across her face.

Jude’s cheeks heated up as he hissed through gritted teeth, ”Mind your own business, Cal.”

“I am your _sister._ ”

Jude couldn't refrain the snort that escaped him at the assessment, ”Really? Because Daria, the scout leader, has been around me more than _you_ did in the past few days.”

Callie just glared at him. Jude just went on, “And, it’s not like I’ve been snooping around in your business lately so please, do me the courtesy of doing the same.”

”I don’t want you to get hurt by some random _prick.”_ Callie snapped, a fire in her eyes as she added in a harsh tone. “You are my _brother_ and I won’t let some stupid b-“

”Whoa.” Jude stopped her with a hand raised in her way, “First of all, nothing is going on between us.” Jude surprised even himself of how steady his voice sounded in that moment despite knowing, deep down, that it wasn't completely and utterly true. “And second of all, who do you think you are to call Connor those names? Do you even know him? Have you even talked to him?”

”Huh, no but-“ Callie stuttered, her cheeks turning pink, surprised by the way Jude was calling her out.

Jude let out a half bitter laugh, sitting himself up. He was over this conversation already. 

“I just heard things among the girls! D-Daria said some stuff about Connor  using this tactic with someone new _every single year_  and I just..”

Jude couldn’t help but let out another strangled laugh at his sister’s antics. Connor was fifteen years old, for fuck's sake. He was so happy and bright and funny and in _love with life_ in general that he highly doubted his first thought in the morning was to find new, creative ways to get into people’s pants.

The thought felt ridiculous to his own ears.

”Just.. don’t. Callie, okay?”

Jude had already stood up, his ears catching the words but honestly caring too little to even bother to turn around and hear his sister out.

” _-Want to protect you._ ”

 

 

 

Connor was already waiting for him down the river of the lake when he got there and he couldn’t help but let the smile flow at the way he was looking at him with those hazel eyes, so intense and charming that they were able to pierce through his soul.

Jude gracelessly threw his backpack on the cool grass, his long arms lifting as he rapidly got rid of his shirt. He shivered at the cool night breeze caressing his skin.

”Come on! I’ve been waiting for you for _ages_!”

Jude’s deepest romantic side blew up, wondering if there was a double meaning in _those words_ but he ended up shut the thought down almost immediately. He crossed his arms over his chest, hissing in discomfort as his toe made the slightest contact with the cold water.

He should’ve expected the laughter that followed. In fact, as soon as he raised his gaze, he found Connor’s eyes staring at him with amusement written all over his face.

“Come on.. it’s not _that_ cold.”

”You _always_ say that.”

”Because it’s true...” He didn’t notice Connor walking back to the river until he was standing right in front of him. Jude felt himself shivering for a totally different reason than the water being ice cold. Connor, of course, noticed.

”Hey, you are shivering. Do you want me to warm you up?”

Jude’s eyes went wide before flickering down to the subtle motion of Connor’s hands slowly moving over his arms. He felt like he couldn’t breathe with the soft, gentle touch of Connor’s fingers raising goosebumps across his skin.

He felt like his interiors were going into self-combustion. Everything felt warm. _Connor_ was warm. His mouth fell open, ready to ask what was going on. Why was he acting like this and more importantly why was he leading him on like this, but words felt stuck in his throat like a goddam knot so he just passively reduced himself to stare at him, wordlessly. 

“Just ask.” Connor suddenly broke the silence, his eyes locking with Jude’s.

”A-Ask what?”

Connor smiled, his eyes flickering to Jude’s dry lips for the quickest second before staring back into them. The simple gesture cleared Jude’s doubts. The way Connor was looking at him like he was more worthy to stare at than the gorgeous full moon hovering above them, and his simple staring at his lips, the way he was working too hard on his breathing.. there was no doubt.

_Connor wanted to kiss him too._

The realization that Connor was simply waiting for Jude to give him a sign just hit him square in the chest.

Connor was asking Jude’s permission to kiss him.

”Kiss me..” Jude managed to breathe out, never dislodging his gaze from Connor’s eyes. Mostly because whenever he looked into those eyes, it was like a spell fell on him but also, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Once he gained the courage to give voice to his heart’s desire, he couldn’t even imagine a different scenario. He wanted to kiss Connor and Connor.. Connor was leaning in, mere inches keeping them apart. Jude’s fingers shakily made their way to Connor’s warm cheeks. He heard a short intake of breath and his eyes fluttered shut, ready for Connor to finally close the distance between them... but he didn’t. Jude let out a small, frustrated noise from his throat that elicited a small laugh to escape Connor. It sounded different and oddly new from any other laughter he’s heard coming from Connor. This one shaky, exhilarated, over the moon with joy.

He just brushed his nose against Jude’s, his breath hot against his mouth for a moment long as a lifetime.

“Jude..”

Jude shivered, Connor’s hands holding him by his hips and pulling him flush against him. Jude’s lips parted just slightly, letting on a tiny intake of breath.

”Connor..” 

Then Connor finally closed his eyes and every single thing Jude read and wondered about first kisses, finally made sense to him.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

“Jude, honey.” Jude knew that something catastrophic was about to happen when Mrs. Stevens used that tone. “Could you please go upstairs and tell Connor to come downstairs, please? I’d do it but I’m kind of busy at the moment.”

Jude eyed the trembling hand applying the nail polish, tempted to roll his eyes at this lady’s antics. He just refrained himself from sighing, mentally cursing about Dean deciding to go golfing with his father and leave him alone at home with his pleasant mother.  Jude walked up the stairs as slowly as he possibly could, his heart pounding erratically with every step he took to Connor’s door. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, raising his fist to give a small knock on the door but then, he realized that the door was open. He stepped inside, trying his best to not blush at the familiar scent of musk flaring through his nose. He felt waves of relief realizing that Connor wasn’t there despite his bed was just as messy as he imagined.

There was a voice screaming in his head, with every step he made into the room, to walk the fuck out of in there but Jude's feet moved on their own accord, his eyes flickering around the room and taking in every single detail that made that bed room Connor's private den from the trophies on the shelves to the dark blue covered walls and the cherry on the top of the cake was the familiar guitar abandoned in the corner of the room.

“Fuck..” Jude wasn't even aware of uttering that word out, he just felt drawn to Connor's desk where a small box was placed. He knew he shouldn't have touched that the moment it fell on the floor, pictures clattering all over the place.

“Shit.” Jude bent down to collect those photos, taking a moment or two to observe an apparently happy Connor Stevens smiling at the camera. It brought a soft smile to spread across his features, recognizing for a moment the little boy on that picture.

That was the boy he met so many years before.

Before he could slide the pictures back into the box one in particular that stayed hidden on the bottom of it, caught his attention. He slid it out with trembling fingers, recognizing every single detail in that picture. He recognized the place, the smiles, he recognized them on that picture.

His breath caught in his throat, his eyes starting to burn at the memories hidden in that picture. He stared at his younger self being held by Connor's arm around his shoulders, close like they used to be and huge smiles written all over their faces. He wondered if he ever was going to experience that level of happiness ever again.

His finger brushed over Connor's face when he heard the door being slammed shut. Jude jerked around, the picture still firm in his hand, and gulped down saliva when he was met by Connor's smirk, staring at him with an eyebrow raised in interest. Jude's eyes were drawn for a moment to the thin towel he was currently wearing.  
“Well, well, well.” Connor was gloating. Also, Jude noticed, he was locking the door. _Oh shit_. “Look who fell straight into the lion's den.”

 

 

 

 

**FLASHBACK**

 

“I barely see you anymore!”

Jude rolled his eyes because, really Callie? Jude honestly had enough of wasting precious breath arguing with Callie over this when he’d rather use his breath for something more productive, like kissing Connor for example. He felt his cheeks heat up at the inner admission, not able to voice his thoughts out whenever they used to hang out.

They used to hang out during the day. Connor introduced him to his group of friends and despite the initial reluctance on Jude's part, Jude had to admit that they were actually nice people.

There was this girl, Taylor that kept throwing glances at their joined hands and at first Jude thought she wasn't a big fan of their relationship until, after the umpteenth time he caught her staring, Jude lost his patience and straight up asked her if she had a problem with it or something.

She stared at him in complete disbelief before shaking her head vehemently.  
“No.. I just... gosh! You two are so adorable together. I wish I'll get to meet someone that looks at me the way he looks at you.”

So.. she stared at them because she was actually jealous of their relationship, Jude realized with a smug smile spreading across his face.

At night, they kept meeting at the striking of midnight at their usual place near the river of the lake. They laid down on the fresh grass and kiss until their lips were numb and swollen and that's where Jude felt words die in his throat as he slowly fluttered his eyes open, feeling a little dizzy, and stared into Connor’s eyes. Their lips still brushing slightly against each other, tingling from the kiss that in its chastity could turn Jude’s stomach upside down.

“What?”

Jude would just shake his head, unable to admit that he never imagined kissing could feel like this and that the famous butterflies fluttering in the stomach weren’t just an urban  
myth. He just closed his eyes, resting his face into the crook of Connor’s neck warm and lightly sweaty and unable to utter a single word out, but Jude didn’t care. He just held onto him for all his worth.

 

 

“I’m just trying to make some memories! Don’t tell me you’re not hanging out with your girl's squad-“ he ignored Callie’s eyes roll and went on sharply, “or wearing a chastity belt under your very revealing swimsuit. I heard _things,_ Cal and you are not in the correct position to judge, right now.”

“Jude!”

“I’m having fun. I’m really enjoying my stay so please, stop spoiling it for me.”

Jude stormed off before she could even counter.

 

“Hey, there you are. I was kind of w-“

Jude didn’t let him finish the sentence because, as soon as Connor stood up from the rock he was sitting on and started walking towards him, Jude pushed him flush against a tree.

“Woah, what-“

“ _Kiss me.”_

Jude actually kissed him _first_ that time.

Connor was usually the one initiating the kissing session but this time Jude’s body was crossed by a rush of adrenaline making him feel like he was actually living someone else’s life. He wanted to make the raging thoughts stop. He just wanted to stay locked in this bubble of happiness for as long as he could and he would have done nearly anything in his power to make it happen. He felt Connor relax in his arms as soon as he pressed their mouths together, dry and pushy at first. Then, when Connor’s arms laced around his waist, pulling him close against his chest, the tension in Jude’s shoulders started dissipating. He kissed Connor, his lips slowly moving against his own, softly latching on his bottom lip and reveling in the soft breathless noises Connor kept blessing his ears with.

“I really love kissing you.” Connor breathed out feebly, his lips trailing small kisses down the corner of his mouth before descending over his jawline. Jude heard himself moan softly, the warmth spreading through his body was equally strange and thrilling. Connor’s hold tightened on him, their bodies started to grind against one another and creating a friction that made Jude’s eyes pop open, a breathless gasp escaping his throat as soon as the weight of reality crushed on them.

“W-wait.”

Connor’s mouth froze, his eyes locking with Jude’s almost immediately. He took Jude’s hand and started drawing circles on his palm, clearly aware of the fear suddenly flashing through Jude’s eyes.

“I.. huh, I haven’t done anything.. I mean, I-.. I am a _virgin_.”

He would have slapped himself, hating how embarrassed he looked by admitting something so natural.

“Me neither.. I mean, going all the way.” Connor clarified, clearing his throat before saying “I haven’t.”

“B-but y-you did something?”

Connor blushed a little, scratching the back of his neck as he admitted, “Only hands.. b-but nothing more than that.”

“Oh.” Connor stared at him expectantly, painfully aware of the disappoint coloring Jude’s voice. “Okay, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Jude’s face flushed, knowing that logically he shouldn’t feel this jealousy race through his veins at the admission that Connor touched someone _like that_ and that some faceless kid touched him in return.

“I'm... I'm sorry. I'm just being stupid. You clearly had a life before _me._ ”

“I did.” Connor smiled, lifting his chin up with his finger so that he could stare into Jude’s brown eyes as he said, “But you're one of a kind, Jude and if w-we ever get that far... I know it's gonna be special.”

Jude managed to crack a weak smile in return, unable to utter words under the intensity of Connor's gaze piercing through him. He just leaned in, connecting their lips once again.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  [Follow me on twitter](https://twitter.com/en_sky9) or [Tumblr](https://skyblue993.tumblr.com/)


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